Day 15 – Monday

I didn’t mention that I spent the entire morning this past Thursday in the emergency room with Mom.  Perhaps that’s where I picked up the stomach bug that threw me down at the start of the weekend.  Since being hit so hard last month with bronchitis, it’s been an uphill climb getting back to a place of feeling normal and healthy, and it seems that I catch every little bug going around at the drop of a hat now.  Today, though, I felt mostly good, so chalk that up as a win: I’ll take it.

In 2 recent posts, I kind of ragged on current music – as is my right to do and near responsibility as a 50-something…but I digress.  Of course, I’ve heard some new music that knocks my socks off in recent years, so I really should perhaps clarify what I mean when I use the term current or modern music: specifically, the songs that get played on the radio every 5 songs, ad nauseam  – even though there are hundreds, perhaps even thousands, of brilliantly written and performed songs that could and probably would turn the world upside down…IF the world could only hear them above the din of the every 5 song play droning on and on, stuff that jaws crunching on Cheetos could blow out of the water, pretty much…y’all know what I’m talking about, because everywhere we work and move, someone HAS to be freaking listening to THAT freaking (if only it was really freaking) station…you know the station I’m talking about.

Here is a shining example of something current breaking the mold – and getting play anyway!  I sat there drop-jawed on the couch when I saw this SNL performance by Twenty One Pilots:

Twenty One Pilots – Ride / Heathens (Live on Saturday Night Live)

I mean…DAY-YUM!  Srrr’slee (translation: seriously).  No, really.  Srrr’slee!

While talking with someone I work with about aging parents slipping off into dementia, somehow, the conversation turned to when my dad died (it’ll be 21 years next month).  Everything happened so fast that I didn’t get to fully process and assess the situation to really realize that I was losing my dad, and I wasn’t there in his final days, which still haunts me.  That’s the biggest reason I’m so AGRO about making sure I’m there for every little thing that happens with Mom.  What happened then is not happening again except over my dead body.

I walked away from that conversation with the usual bitter tears that come with thinking about that massive event in my life.

This photo of Dad and Mom was the last photo taken of Dad.  It was taken just days before he died, and it has moved with me in same frame to every place I’ve lived since Mom sent it to me, and currently lives in the living room.

dadandmom96

It’s clear that he was suffering when this was taken, but I don’t shy away from that.  I keep this picture visible as a reminder to stay awake and stay aware when it comes to the people who really count and make the most of every moment.

I’ve never been able to write about the events surrounding my dad’s death – that I can remember, anyway, and I’d think that’s something I would remember.  Perhaps when I finally can, it will do me some good and bring some kind of healing to that part of my heart and life….it’s really hard to say, though.  It’s hard to imagine that I could ever heal from losing my dad….life and its indifferent cruelty…if we live long enough it eventually knocks us all on our ass and knocks the wind right out of us.

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